Life’s Grand Mosaic

Will Rogers gave the following eulogy following the death of President Woodrow Wilson in February 1924.

At the height of his popularity, Will Rogers had occasion to give several performances before President Woodrow Wilson.

This speech is analyzed in my manual Be a Public Speaking Success: Secrets of the Great Orators.

Some of the most glowing and deserving tributes ever paid to the memory of an American have been paid in the last few days to our past president, Woodrow Wilson. They have been paid by learned men of this and all nations who knew what to say, and how to express their feelings. They spoke of their close association and personal contact with him. Now I want to add my little mite, even though it be of no importance..

The Friars Club of New York, one of the biggest theatrical social clubs in New York, had decided to make a whirlwind tour of the principal cities of the East, all in one week. We played a different city every night. We made a one‐night stand out of Chicago and New York. We were billed for Baltimore, but not for Washington. President Wilson came over from Washington to see the performance. It was the first time in theatrical history that the president of the United States came over to Baltimore, just to see a comedy show.

It was just at the time that we were having our little set‐to with Mexico, and when we were at the height of our note‐exchanging career with Germany and Austria.

The house was packed with the elite of Baltimore. The show was going great. It was a collection of clever skits, written mostly by our stage’s greatest man, George M Cohan, and even down to the minor bits was played by stars with big reputations. I was the least‐known member of the entire aggregation, doing my little specialty with a rope, and telling jokes on national affairs, just a very ordinary little vaudeville act, by chance sandwiched in among this great array.

Finally a warden knocked at my dressing room door, and said, ‘You die in five minutes for kidding your country.’ They just literally shoved me out on the stage.

Now, by a stroke of what I call good fortune (for I will keep them always), I have a copy of the entire act that I did for President Wilson on the five times I worked for him. My first remark in Baltimore was ‘I am kinder nervous here tonight.’ Now, that is not an especially bright remark, and I don’t hope to go down in history on the strength of it, but it was so apparent to the audience that I was speaking the truth that they laughed heartily at it. After all, we all love honesty.

Then I said, ‘I shouldn’t be nervous, for this is really my second presidential appearance. The first time was when William Jennings Bryan spoke in our town once, and I was to follow his speech and do my little roping act.’ Well you all know that Bryan never made the White House, even though he was the Democratic candidate three times, but I heard them laughing, so I took a sly glance at the president’s box, and sure enough he was laughing just as big as any one. So I went on, ‘As I say, I was to follow him, but he spoke so long that it was so dark when he finished, they couldn’t see my roping.’ That went over great, so I said, ‘I wonder what ever become of him?’ That was all right, it got over, but still I had made no direct reference to the president.

Now, General Pershing was in Mexico at the time, and there was a lot in the papers for and against the invasion into Mexican territory to capture Pancho Villa, after he had raided an American town.

I said, ‘I see where they have captured Villa. Yes, they got him in the morning editions, and then the afternoon ones let him get away.’ Now everybody in the house before they would laugh looked at the president, to see how he was going to take it. Well, he started laughing, and they all followed suit.

‘Villa raided Columbus, New Mexico. We had a man on guard that night at the post. But to show you how crooked this Villa is, he sneaked up on the opposite side. We chased him over the line five miles, but run into a lot of government red tape, and had to come back. There is some talk of getting a machine gun, if we can borrow one. The one we have now they are using to train our army with in Plattsburg. If we go to war, we will just about have to go to the trouble of getting another gun.’

Now, mind you, the president was being criticized on all sides for lack of preparations, yet he sat there and led that entire audience in laughing at the gags on himself.

At that time there was talk of forming an army of two hundred thousand men. So I said, ‘We are going to have an army of two hundred thousand men. Henry Ford makes three hundred thousand cars ever year. I think, Mr President, we ought to at least have a man to every car. I see where they got Villa hemmed in between the Atlantic and Pacific. Now all we got to do is to stop up both ends. Pershing located him at a town called Los Quas Ka Jasbo. Now all we got to do is to locate Los Quas Ka Jasbo… ’

After various other ones on Mexico, I started in on European affairs which at that time was long before we entered the war. ‘We are facing another crisis tonight, but our president here has had so many of them lately that he can just lay right down and sleep beside one of those things.’ Then I pulled the one which he afterwards repeated to various friends as the best one told on him:‘President Wilson is getting along fine now to what he was a few months ago. Do you realize, people, that at one time in our negotiations with Germany he was five notes behind?’

How he did laugh at that! Well, due to him being a good fellow and setting a real example, I had the proudest and most successful night I ever had on the stage. I had lots of gags on other subjects, but the ones on him were the heartiest laughs with him; and so it was on all other occasions I played for him. He come backstage at intermission, and chatted and shook hands with all.

What he stood for and died for will be strived after for years. It will take time, for with all our boasted advancement and civilization, it’s hard to stamp out selfishness and greed. For after all, nations are nothing for individuals, and you can’t even stop brothers from fighting sometimes. But he helped it along a lot, and what a wonderful cause to have laid down your life for! The world lost a friend. The theater lost its greatest supporter. And I lost the most distinguished person who ever laughed at my little nonsensical jokes. I looked forward to playing for him every year.

Now I have only to look on it as my greatest memory.